Mourning

This word I always associated with the loss of someone close, mourning loved ones which have sadly passed on and the process of mourning that person and having to come to terms with their permanent absence.

But I now know mourning is a lot more complex than that, as I have mourned so much in my life which has felt just as strong as the mourning of a loved one gone.

Nostalgia can feel like mourning, I look back on life especially the good times and mourn what has been and gone…But depression has made me mourn the most. The person I was, the person I could have been, possibilities gone because of a crippling mental wall which rises in front of me powerless to bring it down. 
So many parts of me have died, parts of myself I used to love, it used to be so hard to bring me down I was so joyful now it can be just as difficult to feel joy.  I have come to mourn things I have barely even had, a house to call my own, a career of which I love, a relationship that well lasts and I mourn that zest for life which fizzled out so long ago.

Those around you especially those who suffer from mental health can know loss so well they are in mourning, it’s not easy to understand but just because there isn’t a physical absence in their lives that you can relate to it doesn’t mean they don’t feel like there is. It’s lonely, especially when you know it’s not logical and how someone feels may not be the truth but if there was a way around it believe me I think most would have worked it out by now as there is no comfort in mourning something you can’t see or never had, but we still mourn.